The Adventure Is Over

Imagine wandering around Manhattan, near Union Square, and coming upon this storefront. You walk in and find yourself surrounded by an enormous collection of costumes, masks, fake spiders, wigs in all colors of the rainbow, plastic tombstones, life-size statues of superheros, and aisle labels like “ALIENS” and “VAMPIRES.” Oh, and did I mention it’s April? […]


From Crone’s Book of Magical Words, by V. Worth (a spellbook I found in Salem): “To Dispel Sorrow When world and fateConspire to markYour life with linesAnd characters dark,Mold a tableOf earth or clay,Write on it allYou would cast away–All you regret,All that you bear,All that afflicts you,All that you fear–Break it and bury itIn […]

Salem Weekend

“Fall is proof that change is beautiful.” I read these words on a letterboard sign while driving along twisting New England roads today. I am up here on my annual October trip to Salem. Below is a glimpse of what I’ve experienced so far.

Update on “Overblown”

Breaking news! A decision hath been made regarding my very first inflatable purchase. It was a very close race. According to the results of the embedded poll, and factoring in the comments people added, the votes were pretty evenly split between the Pumpkin Reaper, the Eyeball Hand, and NO inflatable, with Pumpkin Reaper in the […]

Mood Music

HAPPY OCTOBER 1, everybody!! It’s finally here. I hope you can feel the magic of the season setting in. In honor of our most favorite month of the year, I hereby present to you this year’s Skeleton Key-approved Halloween Playlist! I hope it serves as a worthy sonic backdrop to your Halloween preparations. If you […]

So Many Questions

IKEA has designed a bizarre “Scandinavian snuggie” that I declare is this year’s best unintentional Halloween costume! Behold: FĂ„ltmal is perplexingly described as a “cushion/quilt that keeps you warm and comfy when traveling, relaxing in the hammock or cuddling up in the sofa.” But c’mon, IKEA, you ain’t fooling us. It’s almost October, and you […]

Bustin’ Makes Me Feel Good

Question: What does this song by Huey Lewis and the Ghostbusters anthem by Ray Parker Junior have in common?? Answer: A bassline. Which is apparently enough to warrant a lawsuit. Summer, 1984. Everyone’s shoes contained some form of Velcro, “Where’s the beef?” and “I’ll be back” were common parlance, and restaurants didn’t have automatic faucets. […]

Current and Impending Horror

Grab the popcorn! Here’s a list of this season’s freshest cinematic scares. Malignant (currently streaming): Though it’s not flawless, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of this bonkers new James Wan flick. It very well might be my favorite work of his since Dead Silence. Candyman (currently streaming): I can’t recommend this political-horror work of art […]


Controversial topic: The yard inflatable. I used to dislike this form of outdoor decoration. Most are silly-looking, too cute, or garish, and they all tend to look like large used condoms strewn upon the grass when they’re deflated. Nevertheless, I find myself considering buying one this year, for the first time EVER. The designs have […]