Let me qualify the following pseudo-rant by saying that I love ALL things Halloween. Admittedly, I am about to complain about some trends in decorations, but I’d still rather see LAME decor than NO decor. 🙂

That having been said, allow me now to vent about some annoying seasonal fads that I wish would die a Marion Crane-style death.

Glitter is only appropriate for two things: children’s crafts and stripper makeup. It has no role to play in October.

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My eyes…they hurt…

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Country-style dopey-goofy stuff ain’t scary. It’s just plumb ugly.

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Fake votive (faux-tive?) lights, though sometimes necessary, make me sad.

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Carving” kits that don’t require any actual carving are an utter waste of a pumpkin.

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This collection of 6 ugly pushpins costs $29.19 on sale.

 

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A pumpkin is not a Mr. Potato Head.

-Is that a huge billowing trash bag in our neighbor’s yard? Oh wait, nope–it’s their inflatable yard stuff.

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Derp.

Pastel colors are not part of the Halloween palette. Sorry.

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Spooky…like unicorn poop.

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I don’t even know what’s going on here.

These misguided trends are the decorative equivalent of celery sticks in a trick-or-treat bag. But what do you think? Am I being too harsh? Do you have any items to add to the list?

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20 thoughts on “Pet Peeves

  1. The glitter thing is getting on my case as well.I don’t remember glittery Halloween stuff back in my day…although I kind of suspect the glitter craze may be the result of those girls who always wanted to be a “princess” for Halloween now having spawn who are even more fluff and squeak than their mommas.

  2. Country style, “dopey-goofy” stuff is good for November. It is a healing slave for the gaping hole in my heart left when October steps out of my life.

  3. I feel vindicated! Halloween is a sacred holiday that I feel should not be goofified by pastels and goofy crap, or impurified by fake votives. Im also not happy that many see Halloween as a mere masquarade holiday, and therefore dress up as Scooby, or Spider Man, or any number of other characters that are utterly unscary and irrelevant to Halloween and its roots. Though Id rather see Spider Man than no costumes, I wish Spider Man was saved for Comicon or slumber parties. I get eye rolls for speaking about all this though. People roll their eyes at me when I criticize yard inflatables as well. At first I thought the confusion stemmed from them seeing me as too curmudgeonly, but now I’m actually worried that it’s because people can’t understand why I care so much about a holiday they don’t see as worth being concerned about. That’s the true horror of Halloween; that it may be in its twilight.

  4. Sorry you are so limited in your ideas about Halloween, all the things you mention are just someone else’s take on decorating. There is no wrong way to be creative. Glitter works great if you’re going for magical instead of gory, fake battery lights are better than burning something down, and homey country is just fine if that’s your style. Halloween is a peoples holiday with no set rules except maybe “Trick or Treat” (Hi, Sam). You do what you want, they do want they want, try relaxing and accepting what people have to offer, you might enjoy Halloween more.

    NH

    1. I support your viewpoint of inclusiveness and was just expressing a preference that I hoped would amuse my readers and maybe spark a discussion. It’s all in good fun. 🙂
      You’re right: ultimately there is NO wrong way to be creative. Thanks for your comment.

      1. Inclusiveness has its place but not in this context. What you and I are resisting is the “re-imagining” of a tradition. Traditions, whether cultural, religious, or holiday traditions are such for a reason. It’s why we don’t put up a Christmas Tree to decorate on Independence day or hide candy eggs in the lawn at Thanksgiving. The glitter-bombers go too far as they attempt to co-opt the One Dark Holiday! Halloween involves Fall colors…go figure. As for a REAL pet-peeve: can we move the change back to Standard Time to before Halloween again???

  5. Halloween is my favorite holiday, and glitter goes with EVERYTHING!!! However, they need to stick with Halloween colors…black, orange, purple. Hot pink and that rainbow garbage need to go, and a large % of my wardrobe is hot pink, so that’s saying something. The pastel thing is truly horrifying. Thats like if they mated with Thanksgiving pumpkins and Easter eggs. Yech!

  6. Some people wrongly associate Halloween with demonic worship, and prefer to consider it an Autumnal celebration. Perhaps they feel their precious little ones may be sensitive to things like decapitated rotting corpses, geysers of steaming blood, and deformed creatures from the deepest recesses of the infernal abyss. To compensate, their fancy serenely drifts towards warm things like soft pastels, gentle glitter and plush inflatables. I’ve always believed that Any Effort is better than No Effort and I applaud their endeavors. But are they truly part of our Halloween community? No. Are they more likely to slip razor blades into candy apples? Yes. I don’t trust those cuddly scarecrow toting soccer moms for one second. Between their all-consuming PSL addictions, barreling through distracting teen-filled mall parking lots for the closest parking to the Yankee Candle, or grabbing the Rachel Ray Halloween issue at the checkout lanes and audibly claiming how original she is, these Hell Wenches of Kitsch are the ones we must sacrifice into the bonfires of all Hallow’s eve. Halloween is scary for a truly legitimate reason (look it up) and the only way to survive the night is to follow the rules (right, Sam?). Halloween is a right of passage for any child, young and old, and subjecting us to anything less than terrifying put us in grave danger.

    1. I share your sentiment that sanitizing Halloween ignores the true meaning behind the holiday. And that soccer moms can be quite frightening! :O

  7. what can i say?…yes, i guess Halloween is awesome period, no matter what the disguise it wears ……but, i;m still gonna live my Holy Days the way i feel are appropriate to my Halloween Heart i was born in Newfoundland Canada, one of the places where mummering was born. Trick or Treating is a watered down version of Mummering, Trick r Treating has become such a ghostly version.. i sometimes wonder if people want EVERY Holiday to look the same, cause, that’s what it’s staring to look like to me. everything:: pastel, cutesy, glittery, flashy & spend spend spend spend all your $ on all that generic looking blah blah. that stuff doesn’t do it for my earthy, autumn lovin. catholic pagan heart. & i’m fine with peeps doin their own thing, but i am NOT fine with the same glittter lovin people giving me the side eye because i’m into the old traditions of Halloween. really grinds my gears when i hear someone say, “ewwwww, Day of the Dead is gross or spooky” or whatever. cause Nope, it’s straight up NOT scary, it’s about remembering people in death as they were in life, that’s why the skeletons are dressed in different types of clothes, depending upon who they were or what they did in life.. others find the act of Victorian Memento Mori creepy. Blows my mind, how’ it’s creepy to love someone SO much that you want carry them in your heart & remember them forever…hahahaha…whatever, but i won’t be toddling up to the register with a cheaply made, eyes flashing mummy doll that dances to the tune of “Thriller”. cause that’s pretty spooky to me. everything’s like made into a joke now. (frat boys must somehow be involved)…hahahha

    Mike Dougherty will set everyone straight, with his upcoming” Krampus” movie…i love the one line in the preview, “looks like Martha Stewart threw up in here”….hahahahha!!!…Right On Mike!!!..see he gets it…..<33333333

  8. I raised a stir a couple years ago when I sent scantily clad Disney teens and those without any costume whatsoever away empty handed from my corpse laden yard. In fact, besides the glitter, which repulses me…the trend of Halloween becoming a reason to wear something raunchy/funny or sexy this or that and get tanked, sickens me. It’s freakin Halloween, be something scary. Fred Flintstone with his ass cheeks hanging out is ridiculous, but it isn’t too far removed from whats out there. Sexy female cop, or fireman, or cowgirl, or yo-yo, or cow, or the ultimate indignity…sexy female Fred Krueger. Enough…

    1. Yeah, the sexy costume trend gets me down too…especially it’s the only option offered for us girls nowadays. (All the more reason to make our own original costumes, though.)

  9. Damn!!!!…there goes, my Foxy Brown costume!!!
    HAHAHAHAHA…totally just kidding.

    Yeah man, NO Sexy Halloween. Ladies should be confident enough to dress up in REAL Halloween Costumes & not make everything about, look at HOW hot i am…

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