INNOVATIVE MISCHIEF-NIGHT PRANKS YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO PLAY ON ME, by Frank Ferri

Destroy my driveway with a jackhammer. (I sleep through anything.) Excavate 9 to 11 inches deep. Install brick pavers, arranged in any pattern, but preferably with a dramatic circle of stones in the middle. Hilarious!

Steal my old Honda Civic (the keys will be on the seat) and replace it with the flagship Lexus. Now imagine the look on my face when I go outside to get the paper! Priceless.

Buy a dozen eggs and go home. Follow a recipe for an overnight omelet. (I can send you one if you want.) Sneak into my home during the night. (Door will be unlocked.) Place prepared egg mixture in fridge. I’ll take it from there in the morning.

From McSweeney’s.

Incredible illustration by Sam Heimer.

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